I generally think of myself as not a terribly vain person. Most days, if my clothes are clean and I've bathed, I feel OK to go out in public.
So why in the world is the photo shoot scheduled in an hour or so causing me so much stress?
Because I kinda hate the way I look right now. OK, not my hair -- I now have a super-cute haircut, thanks to a friend who doesn't care what I look like as long as I get to see her. Thank you!!
But the rest of me? Gah... I hope that the kids are so distractingly cute that you don't notice me behind all of my fat. I am too fat and frumpy to pull off glam right now, and it's weighing on me CONSTANTLY for the last two weeks.
I know I should eat better. I know I should exercise. But in between work, feeding my children healthy, home-cooked food, and caring for said children when Scott is working, I cannot find the time, nor energy to exercise. Whine, whine, rant... I know that once I get started, I'll feel OK.
And my vanity is sort of odd -- I don't feel bad about myself when I'm "in real life," per se, but when I see photos of myself I think, "I didn't look THAT fat this morning when I get dressed, did I?" Am I deluding myself when I see my reflection? I dunno...
But it just feels rotten to be ashamed of how I look. I don't know what the other women/kids being photographed look like, but I just know I'm going to be the fattest one, the one with the worst wardrobe, and the one with three zits and a scratch (courtesy Juliet) on my chin.
It's like middle school all over again... Sigh...
OK. Now it's time for me to put on my big (fat-ass) girl pants and suck it up. Hopefully by releasing this insecurity into the universe, I can get past it in time to smile for my pictures. Please??
5 comments:
Just be you, smile and be your super charismatic self THAT will be apparent in the photo. And FYI all those people in magazines and photo shoots are photoshopped. :-) It's all smoke and mirrors...I know I worked in the biz.
Ugh, I hate hearing you talk like this because I know how wonderful you are in person. Everyone has insecurities and everyone has highs and lows in terms of appearance as we move through life. You are busy as heck right now being a fabulous mom and wife ... please cut yourself some slack. Nobody will look at these photos and think you're fat or badly dressed. And how many moms even get a chance for a photo shoot like this? Hmm? That's what I thought! Love ya!
You're totally not alone in this. I swear I don't think I look bad until I see photos come back... then I sit in front of the mirror for 10 minutes trying to replicate (and then figure out how to hide) the triple chin I had in some of the photos!
What Vern said, sweetie. She took the words right off of my finger tips. (((hugs))) I don't like hearing you beat yourself up. I wish I could hug you in person!
Aww... thank you all so much! I hate that anyone should struggle with reconciling what you feel like on the inside with how you look on the outside. I'm OK, I promise! I just needed to write about this and get the pity party out of my system.
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